XWorld: July 2009

When does a girl become crazy?

when you compare her with other gal..

When she THINKS she is right but is absolutely WRONG.

When her brain stops working, And speaks the body language

when she feels alone and get feeling of being sexy.

When she wants to look more beatiful than other girls.

Lies that women tell

Though a recent study claims that a woman's face is like an open book that reveals her state of mind, but men need to beware!

Better not take it as the last verdict, for irrespective of how much you trust and adore your little angel, women do lie to their significant others at times.

Sometimes to carry off a situation without hurting his feelings or to save herself from trouble, while on occasions to contain her emotions and pose as Ms. Goody...popping casual, white lies is no big deal for women when it comes to playing it safe in the relationship.

White lies are no big blunders or massive betrayals, but small lies or 'truth manipulated' to handle a situation. At times she might fib to make her man feel better, to avoid a fight, or an embarrassing situation.

Here's a little help so that men can figure out when their adorable darling is not speaking her heart out and help them handle the situation with care...

Lie #1: "Oh! It's fine. I'm OK"
Guards on guys! You must know that she's not fine at all and nothing is OK. And sooner or later you will have to bear the burnt of her pent up emotions that she has somehow managed to hold back until now. You'll find her taking this emotional defense on occasions when you may have forgotten her birthday, taken her for granted or have done anything that hurts her.

"Whenever my girlfriend lets go off my not so fatal error with a cool 'it's fine', I know it's nothing but the calm before a cyclone that I am fated to face in the time to come," shares Sandeep Sharma, a Delhi-based management student.

To portray that she doesn't care, the emotional lady prefers taking a refuge in this lie. Charu Marwah, a software engineer admits, "I prefer staying that 'It's OK' because if I react I'll be blamed of being a constant cribber, who is in complaining mode always. Though, I actually want him to go down on his knees and plead forgiveness."

Lie detector : Well, an experienced lover would know of the crime that he has committed, but the amateurs should look out for her reactions. She might not get vocal, but will do everything to make you feel guilty about the fact that you have hurt her. From being tight-lipped to giving the briefest responses that don't go beyond 'hmms, huhs or yes and no', to mean tones and loads of sarcasm - are a few hints that you can look out for. "Women have a tendency of expecting their man to understand the said, as well as the unsaid, and that leaves men in a dicey situation. And even here, by keeping quite or going away with a small 'I'm fine', she expects him to know that she's hurt," explains psychologist, Dr. Aruna Broota.

Lie # 2: "I love you for what you are"
...and I don't want you to change. Well, may God be your saviour if you believe her for this. No wonders, if sheer pampering or impressing you might strictly be on her mind when she's saying this. "I just loved my wife whenever she averred this phrase. But gradually the knick-picking started and reality dawned upon me. At times it was my eating choice that bugged her, while at others it was my dressing style that she wanted to improve. Yet she continued to tell the blatant lie that she loved me for what I was," complained Madhukar Suhas, a Mumbai-based advertising professional.

Agreed, that you don't like this lie. But just imagine how it would feel if on your face she told you much she hated your paunch or how bad you looked in those lose-fitted denims. Thank her appreciating you taking care of your confidence levels.

"What do I do? I have to blow his trumpet when he does the right thing. After all, it was his qualities only that I married him for. And also, it becomes important to boost his confidence at times and those words just have the right impact," says Madhu Chandra, a Delhi-based-teacher.

Lie detector : If you start observing the occasions when she backs this mushy phrase, you might just realise she's not lying at all. On most of the occasions it comes when you have made her happy with anything like a gift, a movie, a romantic dinner or for that matter by doing anything and everything that she loves. You were good to her and that's your innate quality, which made her fall for you.

Lie # 3: You stare, I don't care!
Either you are too lucky to have the coolest woman by your side, or you are getting an inflated ego

without any reason if you believe her on this. No matter how hard she tries to look cool and composed, but the fact remains that no woman loves it when her man ogles at another woman. "After all, who wants to feel like second best? And the 'I don't care attitude' is usually to hide the vulnerability and a pretence. Most women hate their man staring at another woman," confesses Radhika Khattar, a Delhi-based housewife.

Lie detector : She doesn't want to show you how she's feeling and is no less desperate to tell you that you are torturing her to the core. Well, easy indications to know she's lying can be the trail of questions she'll end up asking you. Casually and candidly she'll ask you things like 'Isn't she hot?' 'What makes her so hot? 'Did you like her?' She might appear to be your best buddy, but actually she wants to ask you, 'Do I score less that the chic you are ogling at?' And your answer will decide your fate not immediately, but definitely in the future, so better beware of what you say!

Lie # 4: Your friends are cool!
This might not be a lie always, but many a times your friends are nothing but a 'passion spoiler' for your girl, especially when they pop up during private moments. "When we started dating, on many occasions we went out with my friends. And every time I used to ask her, 'I hope you are enjoying?' she answered, 'They're cool!' The real shock came when one day I was planning another group date and she gave me a good piece of her mind. It's then that I realised that she didn't love them as much I thought she did. But she could have initially told me," says Rajat Sarin, a 20-year-old college student.

"Most of the times women end up praising your friends for you. They don't want to hurt you by revealing the truth and hope that you'll understand without saying, which usually doesn't happen," explains psychologist, Dr Sameer Parekh.

Lie detector : A sure shot hint to the lie is written on her face. Despite being in the group she'll remain an outsider. The smile that's usually worth a million dollars might just look purely artificial and forced. Her replies to all your enquiries will end in a cover up lie, 'I'm fine sweet heart' or 'I'm enjoying myself' and that takes you to Lie #1. So, when you get something like this from your girl, understand that you are getting into too much buddy-bonding!

Lie # 5: Tell me, trust me I won't get angry
This one is tricky, leaving you with a ditch on one side and a bigger ditch on the other. This lie is usually thrown at you when she wants an honest opinion and knows what it can be, but still wants to hear it. Beware guys! Irrespective of what you say, she is going to get furious for sure. This usually happens in questions related to her looks, the food that she cooks, that tangy orange shirt she brought for you etc.

"Sometimes it is tough to handle. Once, my wife asked my honest opinion on a super tight dress that she had worn. And, I told her honestly that she was looking like a stuffed pillow and she was mad at me. Taking cues from my past experience; on another occasion I did my best to flatter her. To my sheer surprise, even that made her angry and she blamed me for not being a fair critic," complains Suraj Malhotra, a Delhi-based architect.

Lie detector : Well, there's no detector for this one, for undoubtedly she's lying. Then what's the solution? Answers Parekh, "It's not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner, rather than a striking taunt on her looks. So, without being too critical or over flattering, just tell her that she needs to work out on her minuses."

PHEW! This was from us. Now it's your turn to share the sweet and salty white lies that you tell your man or your wife pours on you to leave you playing a guessing game of truth and false. Source:Timesofindia

Adult Story - TWO LESBIANS AND ME

Haan toh girls and guys yeh bat aaj se 8 month pahle ki hai. Humare socity mein bahut si ladkiyan hai. Aur sabhi bahut sexy hai. Mera toh man hi dol jaata hai aur vaise bhi main toh pussy ka diwana hun. Par mujhe ek saath ek lesbian couple ko pelne ka mauka mila. Humare socity mein do ladkiyan aati thi tution padne. Aur vo dono socity mein chatt (roof) pe jaake ek dusre ko kiss karte the. Unhe yeh hakate karte hue mere dost ne dekh lia tha. Aur mujhe bata dia. Maine tabhi than lit hi ki in dono ko jarur pelunga ek saath aur ek hi bistar pe.. Next time jab bhi vo dono socity mein aati thi maine unhe line deta tha. Lekin unka koi response nahi aya. Main eek hafte baad unse baat karne ki koshish ki. Main unke pas gaya aur unke hiiiiiii kaha toh unhone kaha ki hum baat karna nahi chahte tabhi maine ssaaf saaf kah dia ki tumhare faide ki baat hai toh unhone kaha bak .maine sabse pahle unka naam pucha ek ka naam rina tha aur ek ka naam palvi. Maine kaha ki main janta hun ki tum kaise kaise harkate karti ho aur mujhe tum dono ke ghar bhi pata chal gaye hai. To unhone kaha ki what do u mean.

Maine kaha jyada bano mat. Maine kaha jab tum enjoy karti ho to tumhe land ki jarurat mahsoor nahi hoti. To vo chup ho gayi aur shant hoke khadi rahi maine kaha ghabrao mat aakir main tumhari problem samaj sakta hun aur mujhe bhi bahut experience hai. Toh unhone kaha ki tum kya chahte ho maine kaha ki main bhi tumhara group join karna chahta hun. To unhone kaha thik hai lekin koi jor jabardasti nahi maine kaha ajma ke toh dekho. Phir maine unse unka phone no lia aur confirm karke wahan se chala gyaa. Main ab unhe roj phone karta tha aur raat ko vo mujhe phone karti thi. Mian enke saath sex talks karne laga aur hum bahut exited ho jaate the. Thode dino baad unhone mujhe apne ghar pe mulaya unke ghar pe koi nahi tha . Main unke ghar pe pahuncha. Unka ghar bhaut hi shandar tha. Mujhe acchi tarah treat kia aur don one kaha ki aj hum tujhe ajmayenge. Maine kaha der kis baat ki teacher test lo na. To unhone kaha thik hia. Unhone kaha kit um baithe raho.Aur vo dono ek dusre ko chumne lage mere dil mein iccha jagne lagi ki main bhi inke ibich mein ghus jaun par maine aisa nahi kiya aur baitha raha. Dono ek dusre ko kiss kar rahe the thodi der baad unhone ek dusre ka tops utar dia aur bra bhi utar phenki aur ek dusre ke boobs acchi tarah suck karne lage. Dono ke boobs kafi develop the aur bahut hi chikne chikne the. Mere toh lund puri tarah set ho chuka tha. Miane bhi apni kamej utar di. Dono kabhi ek dusre ko kiss karte toh kabhi boobs suck karte toh kabhi ek dusre se lipat ka boobs ko boobs se dabate. Phir vo dono puri tarah naked ho gye aur ek dusre ki chut pe haath pherne lage. Ab dono sikiyane lage aur bedroom ki taraf chale gaye main bhi unke piche piche chala gaya . Aur tamasha dekhne laga. Vo dono ek dusre mien khoe hue the . Main chup chap dekhta raha aur apni pent bhi utar di. Ab mere danda puri tarah taiyar ho gaya tha. Maine apna underwear bhi utar dia.Aur main apne land ko sahlane laga. Rina ne palvi ko bed pe leta dia aur uski pussy lick karne lage. Palvi puri tarah chatpata rahi thi aur siskiyan nikal rahi thi. Rina ki pussy mere samne thi. Mere se ab ruka nahi gaya aur maine dhire dhire rina ke piche jaake khada ho gaya aur rina ki pussy pe apni jibh rakh di rina ek dum se chatpata gayi. Maine uske hips acchi tarah pakad lie aur uski pussy lick karne laga. Rina bhi bich bich mein siskiyan lene lagi rina palvi ki pussy chat rhai thi aur main rina ki. Rina ne palvi ko discharge kar dia tha idar rina bhi discharge hone wali thi rina ab bahut tej tej siskiyan le rahi thi. Aur ek dum jhad gayi. Maine rina ka saara ras pi lia. Mere land ki bhi buri halat ho rakhi thi. Ab unhe land chahiye tha. Unhone mujhe bed pe letne ko kaha toh main late gaya. Dono mere baju mein aa gayi aur rina ne mere hontho pe honth rakh die aur smoootch lene lagi meri toh pucho mat ki kya halat ho rhi thi. Main toh jaant mein pahunch gaya tha. Niche se palvi mere lund ko
muh mein leke chusne lagi. Main bahut hi jyada exited ho gaya tha aur rina ko jor jor ke kiss karne laga. Palvi mera land maje se chuse ja rahi thi. Phir rina ne kaha ki main bhi chusungi.

Toh palvi mere muh pe pas aake apni chut mere muh pe rakh di aur rina mere land ko chusne lagi main paglo ki tarah rina ki chut chat raha tha aur udhar rina mera land chus rahi thi aur palvi bhi discharge ho gyi. Ladkiyan sach mein ladko ke mukable bahut jaldi discharge ho jaati hai. Aur 2 3 min baad main bhi jhad gaya. Hum teeno bed pe late gaye main bahut hi jyada lal pad gaya tha ac on tha phir bhi garmi lag rahi thi. 5 min baad main relax feel kar rhaa tha palvi niche mere land ko sahlane lagi aur rina mere saath mein chipak kar mere chikne jism ko kiss kar rahi thi maine rina ko apni tarah khincha aur acchi tarah jakad kia maine phir se uske jism ko chumna start kia aur uske boobs chusne laga. Boobs bahut mast the nipple tane hue. Ab mera land dubara khada hona shuru ho gaya tha yeh baat rina ne dkhi aur aur mere land muh gap se muh mein dal lia . Auske muh se garmi le mera land phir tan gyaa. Main is baar unki chut marna chahta tha. Maine rina se kaha plz mujhe chut marni hai. Rina boli ki thik hai lekin dono ki marni hogi maine kaha main try karunga. Maine rina aur palvi ko ek sath leta dia aur pahle rina pe hi chad gaya.Maine apne land ko rina ki sexy chut pe rakh dia uar dhakka dia. Mera land aasani se ander chala gaya adha jaane ke baad ruk gaya shayad uski seal nahi tuti thi.. Maine jor ki dhakka lagya aur pura land ander chala gaya rina cillane lagi meine palvi se kaha ki muh band kar de aur vo rina ki kiss lene lagi isse rina ke muh se aawajen nahi aa rahi thi. Palvi apni chut mein finguring kar rahi thi. Maine palvi ke boobs pakad lie aur dabane laga palvi bhi bahut jyada exited thi uske boobs bhi kamal ke the. Main lagatar dhakke pe dhakke de raha tha. Acchanak ria ka sharir dhila pad gaya aur uski chut mein gila gila lagne laga shayad vo jhad chuki thi aur idhar palvi bhi bahut exoited ho chuki thi main bhi jhadne wala tha par main jhadna nahi chahta tha. Main apna land turant bahar nikal liya aur topi ko dab alia taki main jhad na saku 1 min baad miane apni pent ki jabe se cigarette nikali or smoke karne laga phir maine palvi ki chut mein land dal dia aur dhakke pe dhakke dene laga. Main saath hi saath smoke kar raha tha.Smoke karne ki wajah se main jyada der tak sex drive kar sakta tha meri cigarette khatam ho gayi thi phir maine apna land chut se bahar nikal keg and pe ek do bar ragada jisse mera land apne charam sima par pahunch gaya aur maine chut mein land dalkar jor jor ke dhakke lagane laga. Uske muh se jor jor se siskiyan + chike nikal rahi thi. Maine apni puri rafter se chudai start kar di aur palvi bhi pure josh se mera sath de rahi thi. Maine apne hath se palvi ke boobs danae start kar die aur pelta raha thodi der mein palvi bhi jhad gayi. Maine land nikal kar palvi ke muh pe pas le gaya aur muth marne laga karib 15 ek second baad maine apna saara cum uske muh pe dal dia aur vo aur ria dono ise pine lagi .

Adult story - MERE PADOS WALI DIDI

My sex life started, I think, at the age of seven while I had no idea, what I was being made to do was sex. Well at that age I had too many didis in neighborhood & at school. They were all about 6 to 10 years older to me. As my mom & dad both were working, these didis use to baby-sit me at our house or at their homes. Normally, when I would arrive from school they use to serve me food and help me with my homework and after that we use to go for afternoon nap in the same bed under the same sheet or rajai.

While in bed these didis use to hold my hand & rub my palm against there boobies and pussy, after some time they would insert my little fingers one by one into their cunt till at times all my palm used be inside there pussies. They would ask me to roll it inside or pull it in & out till they would cum. Then they used to lick & suck my hand and eat their own cum and then we used to go off to sleep cuddled tightly to each other. They taught me words like choot, phuddi, bhosda, lund, chodo etc. & always warned that such words should never be spoken in public and I should always speak these in wispers in their ears. Somehow, I wonder why non of them ever let me see them nude & never even gave a glimpse of their pussies that I used to finger-fuck everyday. They never even let me touch them outside the secrecy of our beds.

Only one didi, Ruby, was different, was most beautiful, was our house captain. I got to know her when I was 10 & she was 17. She use to hold seat for me in the over-crowded school bus and often make me finger-fuck her in the bus. We often took bath together completely naked and in bed she used to suck my dick and often make me lick her pussy. At that age I used to ejaculate a very watery pre-cum like fluid. Unfortunately she left Delhi after her 12th class & we never met again. By the age of 13, slowly, I had lost all my didis, as they grew up to be in college or be married, they would just drift away fom me and always avoid to meet with me. Slowly, I was left with no didis.

Then at the age of 15-16, I started to realize what sex is and used to crave for those childhood days of ignorance & bliss. But due to conservative family & friend circle, I was always too shy to approach any girl myself. Though a lot of girls often showed keen interest in me as I was a very bright & active student. But I always either avoided these girls or kept distance. I grew up like that, always fantasizing or shagging or watching porn without the company of any real female. I also developed stupid notion of being loyal to the girl I would marry and to present myself virgin to her.A few months back my old friend told me about indian sex srories .net I checked these sites and grew fond of all the desi stories. I read at least 2 or 3 everyday. And I had started to feel that I do not want to waste this life without the fullest gratification of my sexual urges. I desperately want to turn into reality all my fantasies about sex in park, sex in train, sex in bus, sex in car, sex in hotel, sex in public toilet, sex in office, sex on roof, sex in lunch, sex in supper, …………………….. . As all sincere wishes are answered. Mine too got answered last week. I was alone attending the wedding of a school time friend's sister and I ran into my childhood sexmate Leena Didi. She was attending the same wedding from the boy's side. She is now 39, has two little kids, still very very sexy and milky white in complexion. I guess her figure must be 38-29-36. She introduced me to her husband & kids and we all started chatting.Due to wedding everyone was in some romantic mood & causal gossipe about old affairs & side affairs started. Encouraged by this, I suggested to Leena Didi that my hand would still be at her service if she wanted and I had some more useful tool if she needed any time. While others took it as poor quality joke, she got my message & turned pale & left on some excuse. She returned after half an hour asking to go to hotel room as she had forgotten some stuff to be used at ferras. Her husband was drunk & refused to go to the hotel. This was a opportunity for me and I immediately offered to take her to hotel. So the two of us left in my car. The hotel was only 2-3 kms away and just 15 minutes drive. I didn't want to waste my time so I immediately started to narrate our childhood days and reminded her how she used to make me finger-fuck her every day. I started describing those in fine details & how much I grew up craving to make love to her. Initially she didn't react much but soon I watched her spreading her legs and rubbing her neck & back. We reached hotel & she asked me to accompany her to the room as she would need some help to get the stuff downstairs.

Once we were in the room she surprisingly got wild & took hold of my rod with her hand and asked me to show her, what else I had other than my hand, that can be of service to her. I was surprised by her boldness for a second & requested her that while she always used me when I was a kid she had never shown herself naked to me. I asked her " pahile aap puri nanggi ho kai dekhao". She said, " Tum ko baatain banani mai sharam nahi atti pur mujh ko nagga karnai mai sharam atti hai kiya". This made me hot, I knelt down on floor, raised her lehnga and moved inside her lehnga. I started licking her soft milky white thighs & started pulling down her panties.
She said in shaking voice, "Tum to akri kapda pahile uttar rahe ho".. I said, 'Maira aapna style hai, aaj mai aapni aur apki bachpan ki sari piyas bujha kar rahunga". She raised her legs one by one to help me take off her panty. She had shaved her pussy and had also sprayed perfume there. I started softly running my fingers on her pussy lips and soon her lips started to become moist. She suddenly raised her lahinga and asked me to take off her clothes fast as we had to return early too. I got up and undid her lahinga. It feel down in a jiffy to leave her beautiful lower half naked. She had unhooked her blouse already and I took it off her. Now she was just in her see-through bra. Her milky white boobs and tight erect nipples were inviting me to make them free and suck them hard. I took her in my arms and stated rubbing my face on her boobs. She said, " Maire mumo ko bhi to ajad karo". While still holding her tight and still rubbing my face on her boobs,

I unhooked her bra & took it off. I rubbed my face on both her nipples. She pressed my face on her nipples & said, "jor sai chooso mairi dono chuchion ko, chooso". I Started sucking her choochies madly and guided her hand into my pant. I said, " didi maira lodda ko chu kai or dekh kai batao kaisa lagta hai". With her soft touch my lodda had become 6.5" hard rock. She said, "chonai mai to koi khas nahi lagtha, jara dekhu isko nikal kai". She took it out, looked down and said, "Deknai se kuch pata nahi chaal raha, jara isko chooskai dekun to hi batta paungi kaisa hai".She bend and started licking my dick cap with her lips & toung. With her lips hold she moved foreskin of my dick backwards. Then she spit on it and started taking it deeper & deeper into her mouth till the whole 6.5" disappeared. Then she started pulling it in and out. I was so electrified and almost lost conciousness for a few seconds. This gave me additional erection and now my rod was almost 7.5". I had never seen my lodda so big & erect. She went on for 5 minutes & stopped. She said, " Mai hi tera lodda choosti rahungi ki tu bai meri phuddi ko chatega". I asked for a second from her & took off all my clothes in a jiffy. I pushed her on the bed, we came in positon 69. I was on her top, she started again to suck my lodda and I started licking, kissing & sucking her choot. In few mintues she started to shiver and slowed down sucking my lodda. I asked her not to slow down and lick faster. But she didn't listen and started moaning UHN UHN UHN ANAHAAAAHHHH and suddenly she had come. All her cum spread over my face and I swallowed some too. She got up and started licking her cum from my face. I said, "Yai to koi batt nahi hui, meri mehnat sai nikla sara pani aap pi hahi ho". She said, "Mai bahut salon sai puyasi hun, abhi to mai tere lund ka bhi sara pani piyungi" We again got back to position 69 and started sucking each other.

She was now moaning like a whore UH UH Uh Uh Uh Ah Ah Ah Ah Uh Uh Ah Ah. Then suddenly she got up and said, "buss ab bardasht nahi hotha, thera lodda choosnai mai bahut mast hai, ab mujhai dekha yai chuddai kaisi karta hai. Isko jaldi sai meri choot mai dal ker joor joor sai ander bahar kar". I said, " Mujhai doggy style sabsai jeyada pasend hai mai aap ko pechai se chodunga". She said okay and bent down on her legs to show her tempting pussy from back. I got behind her and inserted my 7.5" lodda into her choot. Her choot was already wet and slippery.

My full lodda went in a single jerk, it was like inserting my lodda into soft butter brick. I started taking it in and out at full speed. Sound of my thigh hitting her butts were filling the room with THUP THUP THUP THUP THUP. She was moaning like bitch when suddenly the room phone rang.. We both froze for a second, then she said, "tu dherai dherai chalu rakh, mai phone dekhati hun". She picked up the phone from side table & it was her husband asking if she hasn't started back yet, everyone was asking for her.. I stopped pumping her, but with her other hand she waved me to continue fucking. She said in phone, "Arrai tumko to meri koi chinta hi nahi hai, mai gir padi thi aur pecchai bahut joor sai laggi hai. Abhi mai pecha balm lagwa rahi hun, thodi der mai nikalti hun'…,Nahi tum matt aoo, bus mai chalne hi wali hun." And she kept the phone. Then she looked back and shouted, "chall jaldi jaldi aur joor joor sai appna lodda thokh mere ander, time nahi hai".

I was already captivated by her capacity to cheat her husband and this gave me strange energy. I started jerking in & out at electric speed and within 2-3 minutes shot off load after loads of my hot sperms into her pussy. Then we bent down on each other and rested for few seconds.She was silent and got up. She took all my sperms & her cum flowing out of her pussy on her palm and sucked it all. Then she moved out of the bed to the toilet to wash her self and asked me to get dressed fast as somebody might come to check why were we so late. We both got dressed in 5-10 minutes and moved out. When we were back in the car I told her that we have forgotten to take the stuff for what we had come to the hotel. She said, "hum chudai kai liya aye tha aur wo hum nai pure majjai ke sath ki hai, mangal-sutra to maire purse mai hi tha, mai bhuli nahi thi". I said, "didi aap to bhut hi jiyada challu cheej ho, phir dusra mokka kaab de rahi ho". She said, "kal to hum saab wapis Indonesia chlle jainge, pur tum mujh ko aapna mobile no. Aur e-mail dedo, mai jub bhi India aungi hum khub masti karengai". I felt sad to hear this but thanked her for the evening and gave her my numbers. We drove to the wedding place cuddled with each other and separated just 2-3minutes before we were about to reach there. I had not planned to stay late at the wedding but she asked me to stay till bidai and I stayed. In between we exchanged thankful & loving glances a hundred times and many times pressed each others private parts in dark & lonely corners. Next morning she left with ladka-wallas & I left for my home with sweetest memories of last evening.

MIX SANTA - BANTA JOKES

Titanic was sinking.

An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards !

**********

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.

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How did Santa tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

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Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

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Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Santa: U r wrong. It's 1394.

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Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister ."

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Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .

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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!

Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .

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An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

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Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

***********

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.

************

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"

************

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

************

Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

************

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home . The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming , earlier I sat on the back seat.

Joke U'll Like

Jockey under bed!

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'

His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'

Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the
trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'

'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' said the son.
'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father

The son answered:

'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

'Life is too short and friends are too few'

Great joke for Adults

Home Or What?

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what's wrong, and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, So are you going to pay today or what? so I take a or what. When I get to work I am late so the boss asks me, So are we going to write this down in the book or what?so I take a or what.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, So are you going to pay this time or what? so again I take a or what. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more.

The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, So are we going to tell your husband or what?�

Bra-Panties!

A lady was shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very western accent to our Santa (owner)....

What's the time??
Santa is a very patriotic man and hates English accent while speaking..
So he replies back in the same accent...... .. Bra-panties! ! Confused the lady asks again....... ..
No! No! What's the time?? Santa again answers back........ .. Bra-panties! ! Bra-panties! !
Seeing the confusion going between the two another man comes to the rescue of the lady and says.......
O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!!
Kudi twade ko time puuch rahii hai gayee!!
Angry Santa shots back at him.........
Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis(12:35)

Be Positive Like This Boy

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIM AHMEDABAD (Indian Institute Of Managment)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

__,_._,___

Santa Banta

Banta Singh: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?

Shopkeeper: 1Rs.

Banta Singh: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?

S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.

Banta Singh:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

Banta Singh ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?

Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.

Banta Singh ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:

Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.

Banta Singh to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai

Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho

Banta Singh: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.

AB AAGE............

Banta Singh on his death time.

My wife, where r u ?

Wife:Yes, I'm here

My sons daughters ru all here?

Yes, Papa

Banta Singh:To phir brabar wale kamre

ka pankha Q khula hay ???

Banta Singh 14th floor se neche gira

Girte waqt usne

apni ghar ki khirki me

apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha

to chilla k bola

MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!

Banta Singh called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?

NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.

Banta Singh: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Ghafoor Bhai Died".

Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!

Banta Singh: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .

Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .

Shadi me Banta Singh bahut der tk khata raha,

Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?

Banta Singh: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm

And the last one......

Titanic K Sath Banta Singh Bhi Doob Raha Tha

Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha

Dost:

Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?

Banta Singh:

Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

50 IMPORTANT CELEBRITY FACTS

50. George Clooney sometimes sleeps in the walk-in closet of his LA mansion because, he says, "all the bedrooms are too light".

49. In 1985, Teri Hatcher played a dancing mermaid on The Love Boat. "That was the first job I ever had" she says. "I left college before finishing my math degree to go do that".

48. While attending Princeton, Prison Break star Wentworth Miller traveled the world performing with the school's acapella group, The Princeton Tigertones

47. Matthew Perry is missing part of his middle finger on his right hand due to a door-shutting accident.

46. Diane Lane's mom, Colleen Farrington, was playboy's Miss October 1957 (the ex playmate was also pregnant in one of her photo shoots)

45. Early in her career, Whitney Houston sang the jingle used in commercials for Bounce fabric sheets.

44. A childhood virus left Rob Lowe completely deaf in his right ear. "No stereo for me" he says "It's a mono world".

43. Even though she appears in ads for Tommy Hilfiger's True Star fragrances, Beyonce is reportedly allergic to perfume.

42. After Drew Barrymore posed for Playboy in 1995, Steven Spielberg sent a note that said "cover yourself up" along with a quilt and a copy of the magazine with all her pictures altered so that she appeared fully clothed.

41. Jake Gyllenhaal got his first driving lesson from family friend Paul Newman

40. At age 10, Justin Timberlake won 1991 pre-teen Mr. America pageant. The following year, he became the first male winner of America's Universal Charm pageant.

39. Before becoming an actress, Aussie Naomi Watts worked as an assistant fashion editor at a fashion magazine called Follow Me.

38. Colin Farrell says that Marilyn Monroe was the first woman he fell in love with. "I used to leave Smarties, the Irish equivalent of M&Ms, under my pillow with a little note saying, "I know you're dead but these are very tasty and you should come and have a few. i wont tell anyone"

37. Gwen Stefani admits that she's had only two boyfriends in her life: No Doubt band mate Tony Kanal and husband Gavin Rossdale.

36. As a 2nd grader Jamie Foxx was so talented at telling jokes, his teacher used him as a reward. If the class behaved, Jamie would entertain them.

35. Butt-Kicking Kill Bill siren Uma Thurman is a crafty one. "I knit" she admits, adding "I love glue gun projects"

34. Keira Knightley was Queen Amidala's decoy in Star Wars: Episode 1 though the film was promoted as if Natalie Portman played both roles.

33. Though Christina Aguilera is of Ecuadorian descent and recorded an album in Spanish, she doesn't speak the language. I gathered that when she said mai gousta kantaar

32. In 1993, Jessica Simpson tried out for the Mickey Mouse Club but panicked after watching Christina Aguilera audition. "I froze and forgot everything" she says. She lost out to both Christina and Britney Spears.

31. Eva Longoria starred in the 2004 flick Carlita's Secret, a crime drama in which she shared a same-sex smooch with actress Maria Bravo. "It was the most fun i've ever had kissing somebody".

30. In the early 70s, Richard Gere played Danny Zuko in a London production of Grease.

29. Tom Cruise admits that he still does the Risky Business underwear dance when hes at home alone. He calls it his "dance of freedom".

28. As a child, Jim Carrey wore tap shoes to bed just in case his parents needed cheering up in the middle of the night.

27. Christina Applegate attended the 1989 MTV Movie Awards with Brad Pitt, but dumped him at the event and left with someone else. "We were really good friends when I was about 16. We went to the awards and I ditched him! I left him there and I feel really bad about it...I really really do. I left with somebody else"

26. In a high school talent show, Matt Damon performed the talking heads' "Burning Down the House"

25. Mariah Carey was nicknamed "Mirage" in high school because she never showed up for class.

24. Angelina Jolie's uncle who looks just like John Voight, Chip Taylor, wrote the song "Wild Thing"

23. Catherine Zeta Jones' father owned a candy factory, but the star says she rarely indulged: "I had so many sweets and candy hanging around my house that I never even bothered with them".

22. Comic actor Jack Black is the son of rocket scientists. His mother worked on the Hubble telescope, and his father worked on "some stuff that i can't tell you about," Jack says.

21. Jennifer Love Hewitt sent Matt Damon an inflatable bed because she read he didn't feel like he has a bed of his own. She never heard back and now, he "looks at me a little weird".

20. At the age of 7, Reese Witherspoon appeared in a television commercial fora local Nashville Florist.

19. Paris Hilton has size 11 feet! "All those super cute shoes like Guccis and Monolos look like clown shoes on me"

18. Russell Crowe was once a pompadoured singer named Russ Le Roq. His first single was "I want to be like marlon brando"...even though he'd never seen a Brando movie when he wrote the song.

17. Madonna is related to both Gwen Stefani and Celine Dion. Gwen's great aunt's mother-in-law shares the same last name as Madonna Ciccone and an ancestor of Madonna's mother was married to a distant relative of Celine's dad.

16. Grey's Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey began his career as a juggling unicycle-riding clown.

15. Tara Reid attended high school in New Jersey with American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis.

14. Julia Roberts' left eye tears up when she gets nervous.

13. Struggling actress Charlize Theron landed her first agent in a bank. He signed her after witnessing her throwing a fit at a bank teller who refused to cash her check.

12. When he was little, Ben Affleck asked his mom for a dog and she tested him by making him walk an imaginary pup for a week. In the end, he only lasted five days and didn't get the dog.

11. Brittany Murphy claims she started speaking at 4 and a half months. She also says she was a very "energetic child, really bubbly...extremely precocious"

10. Demi Moore, who has earned up to 20 million per movie, first found work as a bill collector

09. Heidi Klum is an avid painter and several of her works have appeared in US art magazines.

08. Daryl Hannah is co creator of the board game Liebrary

07. Both Olsen twins had to wear fake teeth during the later years of Full House because their smiles began to look different.

06. In 1985, a four year old Alicia Keys appeared on The Cosby Show as one of the guests at Rudy's slumber party.

05. Usher holds the Star Search record for the longest note by a child: 12.1 seconds

04. Claire Danes has a swing in her apartment. "My parents had a swing, a trapeze and a trampoline in their apartment, I was inspired by that"

03. American Beauty star Thora Birch's mom acted in 21 adult films including Deep Throat under the name Carol Connors before retiring in 1993.

02. Halle Berry used to date New Kid on the Block Danny Wood. They broke up because the band thought she was a groupie.

01. Brad Pitt belonged to the Key Club and the Forensics Club in High School, and before he became an actor he supported himself as a chauffeur, a furniture mover and a costumed mascot for the restaurant, El Pollo Loco.