Jokes Of Mr. Bean

Jokes Of Mr. Bean

  
1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

 

 
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

 

 
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

 

 
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:

Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

 

5) Marriage:

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.


6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner..


7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!


8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.


9) Spelling lesson:

Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful.. ..is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
 

--------------------

Santa - Banta Jokes

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

********* ********* ********* ********* *********  

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.

********* ********* ********* ********* *********  

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha  

********* ********* ********* ********* *********  


Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

********* ********* ********* ********* *********  

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...  

********* ********* ********* ********* *********  

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !    

********* ********* ********* ********* *********    


Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..! 

-----------------------------

Top 9 Funniest News p aper   Classifieds
 
(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)
 
 
 
************ *
 
 
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)
 
 
 
************ *
 

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.                               
(sure...thanx for the warning!)
 

************ *
 

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)
 

************ *
 

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)
 

************ *
 

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)
 

************ *
 

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)
 

************ *
 

7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)
 

************ *
 

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)
 

************ *
 

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)
 

Who is a lecturer?


Who is a lecturer?
A having a bad habbit of speaking when someone is sleeping.
----------

Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.

But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut.

Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

____________ _________ _________ _________

A yogi walked into a pizza parlor.

"Make me one with everything," he said to the waiter.

When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

---------------

 

This is a conversation that took place between (Y) and a marketing guy(X)

X: Which shaving cream do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which aftershave do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which deodorant do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which toothpaste do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which shampoo do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which socks do you use?

Y: Baba's

X (Frustrated) : Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international company???

..

..

Y: No, He is my roommate

Cheers to all the bachelors of the world!!!!


---------------------------

 

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.  

********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!  


********* ********* ********* ********* *********            

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.  

********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.  

********* ********* ********* ********* *********  

women and tornadoes

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

 

Geography of Women

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half
discovered, half wild.


Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.


Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and
beautiful !!!!!!!!!


Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.


Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.


Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.


Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.


After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.